When I come off the stage after a high-energy event, I’ll inevitably encounter a question from someone who got swept into the magic of the experience.
What’s the secret to being on stage like that? How do you learn to be a charismatic host?
“I could never host,” they tell me, usually before declaring themselves an introverted or shy person. “I could never do what you do. I’m just not good at talking to crowds of people.”
Now, I don’t buy that this person could NEVER speak in front of an audience. Hosting a live event takes practice to master, of course.
But charisma, just like any other skill, can be learned. The first step is to take the pressure off.
So I’ll ask them, “Are you good at talking to one person?”
Sometimes they’ll shrug and admit that, yeah, a simple conversation isn’t so hard. Others will protest that they aren’t good at talking with anyone.
“Well, you’re talking to me right now,” I’ll remind them. “And you’re doing just fine!”
If you focus on yourself on stage and how you’re going to get people to like you or to think you’re funny or talented or confident, you’ll create an unnecessary weight on your shoulders.
Most people think that charisma comes from a perfectly executed, self-aware performance. Actually, the opposite is true. The more you focus on your audience — or better, just one person in your audience — the more you take the pressure off yourself and unlock the freedom to be yourself.
That’s why the last element of becoming a charismatic host is to remember…
It ain’t about you, bruh.
The five elements of a charismatic host
So far, I’ve covered the first four elements of becoming that charismatic host. In case you’ve missed them, they are:
4. Listen and speak with your whole body
And finally… (drum roll, please!)
1. It ain’t about you.
I don’t think people are egocentric on purpose, but it’s easy to get stuck in your head. If you’re thinking about the results you want (how people should think or feel about you), you’re not in the present moment. You’re stuck in the future and thinking about unknowns you can’t control.
Focusing on the future only creates fear and anxiety about the worst-case scenario.
So how do you make standing on stage, not about you?
The end is in sight
The first step is to get clear on the mission. Specifically: the goal of the company who hired you. And unless you’re Idris Elba, you are not the goal. You are not the focus. So what is your mission?
As the host or the emcee — the man (or woman) with the mic — your goal is to communicate ideas. That’s the entire premise of hosting.
I’ve seen plenty of people floundering on stage because they didn’t clearly understand their role. Fixing that can be as simple as doing some homework and, well, asking the event planners what their goal is.
Are we trying to keep people high energy and engaged? Is the goal to promote a product, idea, or service? Are we sharing a story that allows people to personally connect to the brand?
Remember that your job is to represent the brand — to act as an extension of that brand. Put the focus on the event, on the brand or the product. Again, it ain’t about you.
Remember that there’s one idea or one main reason that brought everyone to that room with you. Keep the focus on that concept, not the person they happen to be staring at as you walk onto the stage. In case you still haven’t aligned with this concept…I’ll say it like my name is Carlton Banks..it is not about you. And now as Will…it ain’t about you.
The spotlight is on…
The most charismatic hosts are able to use the spotlight to highlight other people. Ryan Seacrest did this on American Idol. The focus of that show, the reason people watched, was not to listen to Seacrest’s light humor in between songs and backstory setups.
People tuned in to watch the singers. They wanted the drama of stars rising to embrace a moment of fame… or falling flat on every. single. note.
So Seacrest never made it about himself. When he spoke up, it was to elevate a singer: “Simon, I disagree with you. I think Cindy Jane did a phenomenal job.”
Then he would immediately redirect the focus off his own comment, sweeping his hand back to the audience, “What do you think?”
And the crowd would roar at the chance to disagree with Simon Cowell.
When you’re not making it about you, it’s so easy to assist, to support, and to elevate. That’s why we recognize assists in sports: the person who sets up the slam dunk is important to the team’s overall performance. The baseball players who don’t make it to home plate themselves still get an RBI for helping everyone else get around the bases.
When you interview a guest on stage or introduce the next element in the program, your goal is to help others shine in your spotlight.
The only time you might purposefully focus attention on yourself is when something goes wrong. If the show runs into a technical hiccup, you become the magician’s assistant, pulling attention away from the mistake while the crew scrambles to adjust. By now, I assume you’ve picked up on the keyphrase and can say it out loud…it ain’t about you.
The mirror and the campfire
One of my superpowers is my ability to act as a mirror that reflects the best parts of people, even if it’s just for a moment.
The best hosts use their charisma to elevate other people. To connect with the audience, they focus their attention on just one person and present that individual in the best light.
I’ve found that the easiest way to do that is to literally have a one-on-one conversation with someone in the front row. Find what they get excited about, and what they’re looking forward to as the show begins. What are they passionate about? What makes their heart sing?
Being a charismatic host is about reflecting the audience in such a way that they see the best parts of themselves.
When you build a campfire, you create something that people gather around. The fire isn’t asking to be the center of attention. It’s making others feel warm. It creates a collective sense of belonging by helping the whole group feel comfortable as they sit together.
That’s what the best hosts do. Make one person feel like they belong, and that energy will radiate to everyone else.
It ain’t about you. It’s about looking out for the show, for the goal of the brand you’re representing, and for the audience.
What are ways that you’ve taken the attention off yourself to make an audience feel included in the show? What makes it difficult for you to get out of your head?
